By Laura Anders Lee

It’s not your mother’s wedding anymore. 

Today’s couples are thinking outside the box and creating custom events that reflect their personality. Weddings are far from vanilla; gone are the days of ivory invitations, white roses and bland ballrooms. “In” are websites and hashtags, lots of color, and fresh spaces. But despite all the new trends, two things never go out of style: good manners and proper etiquette. 

For the past 10 years, Faith Woods, owner of Faith Woods Events in Florence, has worked with couples all over the Southeast. In the age of “anything goes,” she helps couples strike the right balance.

“I like to say I’m traditional with an edge,” says Woods. “No event should be a duplicate of another. Everyone wants to build something unique and bend the rules a little, and that’s great. But some things have to be done correctly no matter what.”

Invitations have especially evolved over the past two decades. “Twenty years ago, everyone used black ink on ivory or white paper,” says Lowry Hill, who’s been a calligrapher for over 35 years in North Alabama. “I rarely see black ink anymore. People are using all ranges of blues and greens, like French blue and hunter green. I’m also seeing different invitation shapes like squares and decorative edges.  

Woods says she loves the creativity couples are showing with their invitations, as long as the words are correct. That means no typos and no abbreviations, and correct titles, like The Honorable Judge or Doctor. More formal events, like those at a church, should have a more formal invitation, while outdoor weddings can be more casual. 

Woods also recommends that the couple include a reception program in their invitations. “I think it’s important to set expectations for the guests and let them know what time dinner will be served or what time the cake will be cut.” 

Technology has also evolved in the past two decades, and couples are using it to their advantage.

“Only about half of people use reply cards anymore; they now offer an enclosure that directs you to a website,” says Hill. Websites are also a great way to include additional information you wouldn’t put on an invitation, like a gift registry or links to accommodations. 

While hashtags encourage guests to share photos on social media, guests should be discreet when using their cell phones. “Of course cell phones should be silenced, and if taking photos or videos during the ceremony or the first dance, be mindful of blocking other guests or getting in the way of the official photographer. The couple doesn’t want to see an arm sticking out with a cell phone in all their pictures.” 

For the reception itself, Woods encourages couples to stick to traditional rules. For instance, a black-tie event should include a sit-down dinner while a semi-formal or cocktail event can include a buffet. If the reception is casual, table cloths are optional, but the silverware and glassware should be in their proper places.

While guests should be engaged and have fun, they should also remember a wedding is sacred, and everyone should be respectful. “I’ve been to weddings where guests are rearranging the place cards or leaving a big mess on the tables, and that’s not OK,” Woods says. 

In turn, couples should be mindful of their guests and their experience. They can provide transportation for older grandparents, accommodate dietary restrictions, and be good hosts to those coming from out of town. “It’s extra work, but guests really love something extra,” says Woods. “For one wedding, we created a children’s table with special activities that really went over well. And for another, the couple served a signature appetizer, fried saltine pimento cheese crudités from Odette [a restaurant in Florence]. They were Southern yet unexpected.” 

Today’s weddings should honor tradition yet celebrate individual style. Just like the old English rhyme, a good wedding needs “something old and something new.”

Wedding Etiquette for Guests

Offer to bring a drink or make a plate for the married couple at the reception.

Don’t bring gifts to the wedding.

When in doubt, overdress rather than underdress.

Do not bring children or a plus-one unless specified.

Remember you’re part of a sacred event.

RSVP.

Wedding Etiquette for Couples

Don’t let your close friends and family find out about your engagement on social media.

Make sure invitations, web copy and signage are correct and error-free

Promptly send handwritten thank you notes—an email won’t do!

Remember a special gift or sentimental note for your wedding party and parents.

Graciously accept help when offered and assign a task.

Create a special and thoughtful experience for your guests.